Date:	2004-07-23 23:40
Subject:	Jealous, me?
Security:	Public
Mood:	melancholy

In the meetings they’d tell you that sometimes when you heard of others drinking you’d feel jealous.

Sometimes after we pass an important bill through the House or the Senate, I’ll hear the rest of the staff planning to go out to a bar to celebrate. Sometimes, they go out when it’s been a rough day. Other times there’s no real reason. I don’t always notice, mind you, it’s not like I spy on them. Well… I don’t spy on them that often. Occasionally I have to have an agent tail Josh and Sam to make sure they don’t go threatening prostitutes, but I can assure you I very rarely spy on the staff (… normally I get Margaret to do it). And it’s not spying even… more like making sure they don’t do something stupid.

They said it was natural to feel this way. They said that in situations like that, it was good to spend time with others who weren’t drinking. They said that that would help with the jealously. You tried that a few times, but it only made the envy you felt worse.

The First Lady and The President like to invite me up to the residence every now and then, for the same reasons that the staff goes out together to bars. We sit and drink tea and coffee (the Bartlets are very conscious of my situation, though they don’t show it in front of me) and talk about, what else, politics. It’s good being able to sometimes get away from the job and spend time with old friends. I don’t do that often enough, my workaholic lifestyle managed to drive my wife, Jenny, away (which is ironic because out of all my addictions it was the least harmful one that finally made her reach the breaking point). It’s hard not to think that relationships can’t survive in this place, with Congressmen divorcing left and right along with the people who work for them, it’s easy for someone like me to excuse my failure at marriage as a little thing that happens to everyone else. It’s not true though, because there in the heart of all politics is the happiest couple I know, a shinning reminder that a healthy relationship in Washington D.C. is indeed possible.

They tell you in the meetings that all the jealousy you feel can be traced back to your addiction. They say that they can only help you if you let them. So you tell them that you’re jealous when you hear of others drinking, jealous that the staff can bound over alcohol while you remain an outsider, and that you’re jealous of your best friend for being able to keep his wife. You know that your jealousies are petty, and they reinforce that idea, why should the world cater to your needs just because you can’t drink?

How do I deal with jealousy? I go to meetings.